By UDEME ARCHIBONG
“You are mentally healthy to the degree that you can freely forgive and forget offenses done against you”.
When we cling to our hurts our lives clinches to a halt. When we contaminate the present with the poison of the past our future becomes pungent.
When we harbor unforgiveness we lose our power and the person who offends us gains power to control our emotional lives and hurt us. When you hold onto hurt, you hold onto hate and when you hold onto hate you eventually become what you hate. Being bitter leaves our lives battered.
Whatever consumes your thoughts controls your life. When you let your emotional bruise dominate the domain of your mind you become a brute and life becomes brutal to you. Don’t let your past imprison your future. You can’t embrace the future when you hold on to the past. Release the past through forgiveness then you will be able to lay hold of an amazing future.
Never let your pain be the focal point of your life. Never let your grieve make you groan through life. Unless you can get beyond your past, you can’t grow above it. The exit of the old ushers the entrance of the new. Self-pity ends up in the pit of despair. Let go of your hurtful memories, live from your creative imagination. Focus on your destiny rather than on your history. If you want to be whole, let go of the old.
SYMPTOMS OF UNFORGIVENESS
Once upon a time, there lived a man whose hands were crippled with arthritis, he could hardly use them. His hands were so bad that he could not open a car door neither could he shake hands. However, amazingly on a fateful day his hands were perfectly normal.
He was able to use his hands to do anything he wanted to. Joel Osteen who knew how his hands were previously and seeing that his hands had been transformed was surprised and asked, “Man, what in the world happened to you?” “Well, it’s an interesting story”, the man replied.
“Several months ago, you were talking about un-forgiveness. You were speaking on how it keeps God’s power from operating in our lives, and how it keeps our prayers from being answered. As I listened, I began to ask God to show me if I had any areas of un-forgiveness and resentment in my life. And God began to deal with me.
He brought to light several situations that had happened to me down through the years in which people had done me great wrong. I didn’t even know it, but I still had anger and resentment in my heart toward people. That’s the odd part; I didn’t realize I was carrying it around. But as soon as I saw it, I made a decision to forgive them and totally let it go.
And then the most amazing thing began to happen. One by one, my fingers started straightening out. One week went by and this finger would get healed. The next week another finger. As I continued to search my heart and eliminate all that bitterness and resentment, God brought complete healing back to me, and now look at my hands. I’m perfectly normal.” Wow! Who can fathom the power of forgiveness?
Un-forgiveness always keeps record of offenses. Un-forgiveness is revealed when you keep two records: the record of your good works or qualities and the record of the bad behavior of others. It is the “holier than thou” mentality that esteems oneself above others.
It is comparison with others; counting all their faults and counting all your goodness. It is keeping score in a relationship. However, genuine love does not keep record of its good works neither does it keep record of the bad conduct of others. Therefore, forgiveness takes no account of what others do to you or what you do for them.
Un-forgiveness critically judges others. Boasting of one’s good works boosts pride and makes one to be void of mercy towards others. Saying to one’s self, “If I were the person I would never have behaved that way or made that silly mistake” that thought is an indication that un-forgiveness may be lurking in the recesses of the heart.
Being merciful and looking at the weaknesses of others through the eyes of compassion is a sure sign of greatness which makes Life lavish love upon our destinies. Remember, we get out of life what we put in it; whatever we sow, we will reap.
Un-forgiveness complains. Whenever you complain, you compound the pain. Complaining about people does not change them but rather compounds the problems leaving you in a mental state of anger that breeds un-forgiveness. Forgive people you are angry at. When you show an unbroken unconditional love towards others, it frees them and you influence them positively to change their behavior.
Un-forgiveness breeds disunity. Un-forgiveness lives in separation from others. Divided minds lead to dissolution of purposes. Mental separation of oneself from others makes one to live in the cage of misery locked up from enjoying everyday life.
Un-forgiveness erects a mental monument for the offense. Monuments are erected for remembrance. Therefore, a person that harbors un-forgiveness keeps hurtful memories alive by consistently thinking and talking about old offenses in conversations to anyone who will listen.
Resenting the blessing enjoyed by your offender is a sign of un-forgiveness. Are you envious or jealous of the progress or success of another person? When you are bitter and envious of the success of anybody you attract failure and repel success from your destiny. Genuine happiness for the success of others is a reflection that the condition of your heart is right which creates the right condition of living leading you to harvest the best that life has to offer.
FORGIVENESS IN ADVANCE
Once upon a time, a pastor moved his family from Ukraine to Russia to start a church in an area plagued by violence. As word about the pastor’s plans spread around town, gangsters issued threats toward him and his five sons, so the pastor prayed.
“God told me that I would pay a steep cost for planting my church there, but that something amazing would result too.” He said. The pastor established the church in spite of the threats. Then, just a week after the pastor opened the doors, one of his sons was murdered on the street. The grieving pastor prayed again asking for God’s direction. God told him to stay with his church.
Three months after his son’s death, the pastor himself was stopped on the street by a scary-looking guy who said, “Would you like to meet the person who killed your son?” “No”, said the pastor. What if he asked your forgiveness?” “I’ve already forgiven him,” the pastor replied.
“I shot your son”, the man said, breaking down. “And I want to join your church”. In the weeks that followed, there were so many other members of the Russian mob who joined the pastor’s church that crime virtually disappeared in the area.
No one can ever forge ahead when un-forgivingness is fostered in the heart. Mahatma Gandhi revealed, “The weak can never forgive. Forgivingness is the attribute of the strong.” When you forgive you are not doing the person you’ve forgiven a favor but yourself. It maybe you’ve been through some abuses in your life; physical, verbal, sexual abuses. It could be that you were cheated out of a business deal, or someone betrayed you or mistreated you.
It may not always be easy but the wise choice to make is to forgive. It is worthy to note that offenses are bound to exist but we have to choose either to let it penetrate into us and hurt us or hit us and fall off. For offenses to hit us and fall off means refusing to think about it and talk about it which deprives it of its power to keep us sour and miserable. I believe offenses are one of those ways life test us to set us for a promotion if we respond with love and refuse to be offended.
The Chinese Proverb observes, “He who seeks revenge digs two graves”. Mahatma Gandhi affirms, “The adage an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.”38 Forgive the wrongs in order not to wrong the rights in your life. When you live in anger you live out in a hang-up. If you want to lead an amazing life, you need to write-off the wrongs in your life and write-out the script you will live by. Let go of the excuses to hold onto anger, bitterness and resentment in order to escape the nightmare of life.
Several decades ago American companies with approval by the U.S government attempted to bury toxic waste products underground. They filled and sealed large metal containers with chemical and life-threatening products. They buried them deep down below the earth.
Within a short length of time the containers started leaking and seeping to the surface destroying the vegetation and caused the death of many people through cancer and other debilitating diseases. Just as the toxic waste products buried underground leaked and seeped to the surface causing havoc to plants and human life, the toxicity of anger, resentment, bitterness, hate and envy buried within our hearts gradually but surely leaks and seeps to the surface of our attitude and behavior destroying our personality, self esteem, relationships, health, mental and social well-being. In fact, medical science has proven that nursing a grudge and incubating anger towards those who you feel have hurt you is a major cause of illness. Therefore, to be mentally healthy you must forgive yourself and everyone.
To accomplish this pray for the person and wish him or her well and you will feel a burden being lifted from your heart and you will feel lighter. Joyce Meyer buttresses, “Staying angry at someone who has hurt you is like taking poison and hoping that your enemy will die. Our un-forgiveness hurts us more than it does anyone else”.
We can’t bottle-up anger, resentment and bitterness within us and expect to experience freedom at the same time. When we live with grudges in our heart; we live with crutches in our lives.
When you forgive, you set a prisoner free. And that prisoner is YOU.
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